i am putting so much more effort into this relationship than you are! you can't just effortlessly maintain a healthy relationship. you think you can, and that's the reason i have to work twice as hard. i have to constantly take your feelings into consideration with no concern for myself, because i'm not really a priority in my life.
whose life am i a priority in?
i don't want to be friends with you anymore.
how could you possibly not care that i'm going to paris? jesus christ i'm so upset.
oh, secret journal. i have a few things to tell you.
rather than addressing this to my journal, i should be addressing it to a future self. all i do is look back on old journal entries and wonder what i was thinking. so hey, annie, this is what you were thinking:
right now, i just want things to be completely different. i don't know how i got stuck in a rut, i never thought this could happen. but i really just want to hole up and never speak to anyone ever again! no one ever understands me, and i don't want anyone to have to. chris already understands me, why would i make anyone else do that? i'm going to save up a bit of money, like a few thousand dollars, and put in for a transfer to paris. i will live in squalor, but i don't care. i'd rather be poor in paris surrounded by strangers than comfortable over here with my friends. if i don't get the transfer, everything proceeds as normal. but if i get this, i will be able to sell my car for about 10,000 and run over there. i'm putting in for the transfer in october.
no one knows. i need this.i need to leave more than i need anyone here, or anyone here needs me.
paris, here i come (maybe).
"You have had a lot of trouble, for which others are largely responsible, but you are now reaching a point when you will be able by your own efforts, to control your own affairs. You are not easily understood, as you keep much to yourself. You are fond of fine arts and like to be alone a great deal. You sometimes have a desire to destroy things, especially in your young days, for which you are sorry afterward. Be careful when the figure 7 appears on any money transaction, and keep your eyes open to some of your "would-be" friends.
One of your lucky numbers is 7
Drop another coin in the slot and I will tell you more."
I'm thinking about getting it framed.
Everything smells like vinegar to me lately. I miss having a home. What am I going to do for the rest of my life.
last night when i was driving home from work on the freeway, i looked into my rear-view mirror instead of my windshield and pretended i was driving into oncoming traffic.
how dangerous. i should look out of my windshield.
i moved out of my house into my car? i don't know.
i came home to pack up a few more things, and no one was home. so i ate a plate of lasagna in the bathtub. now i'm on the internet.
sneaky sneaky
i'm not ready.
g2g, packing my shit.
"i do believe our love's in danger
i might as well be loving air.
you look at me like i'm a stranger
you look at me like i'm not there.
i gaze into
your eyes of blue
but their beauty
is not for me
you're thinking on
someone who's gone
you're dreaming of
the one you really love."
my dad is a wonderful guy, and now i know why i am the way i am.
not wonderful, not why i'm wonderful, i didn't mean that. i meant why i'm eccentric.
i typed a lot of things in this text box, then deleted them all.
remember when jamiroquai was culturally relevant?